Are Nuclear Children Better Off?

It was around five years back. I was staying on my own in New Delhi and had gone to visit my cousin sister. Her only daughter, Tiya, was sick and as parents they were naturally worried. Both my sister and brother-in-law followed a punishing routine, leaving for work early in the morning and returning late. Their daughter’s illness had upset their routine and temperament.

I found Tiya lying on her bed, eyes closed and in palpable discomfort. She was running moderately high fever. Later, she sat up on her bed and tried to look as cheerful as possible under the circumstances.  My sister kept telling me that she had requested her mother-in-law to come from Kolkata and stay with them for a few days but she had refused. I knew, that the arrangement that she was looking for, was one, she was actually not comfortable with. She had always strongly advocated the nuclear family set up.

I was wondering if after all she was starting to relent, however grudgingly it might be, about the necessity of an extended family. Suddenly I found Tiya climbing down from her bed and marching to the area where the shoe rack was kept. She sat down on the floor pulled out a brush from the rack and started to polish her shoes. I was astonished and looked at my sister. She smiled and told me that Tiya was just following her daily routine and she always did all her chores with clinical precision. This, she added with a triumphant note, was the benefit of a nuclear family. Tiya was independent and could look after herself.

This was a strange paradox and it led me to delve further into the subject of bringing up children in a nuclear family.

What is a family and parenting all about?

A family is the smallest unit of a society and, therefore critical to its development and maintenance (Enrique, J., Howk, H., & Huitt, W, 2007). Studies have shown that one of the most important issues in the development of a family is parenting.  However before we go into the related issues of parenting it is necessary to define what is meant by a nuclear and a joint family.

The term “nuclear family” came to be coined sometime between 1945 and 1950 (dictionary.com) In general, a nuclear family structure can be defined, as one, in which there are two married parents of opposite genders who live with their children, biological or adopted.

Contrary to this, in a joint, extended or multi-generational family system, the household additionally includes non-immediate members of family like uncles with or without their immediate family, aunts with or without their immediate family and grandparents.

Culturally, it would not be wrong to say, that, the nuclear family consisting of parents and children form the core of the family. When other relatives join in then the family gets extended.

A report titled “Family Structure and Children’s Health in the United States: Findings From the National Health Interview Survey, 2001–2007” published by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, seven mutually exclusive categories have been considered while attempting to define family types. The report takes into account parental marital status as well as type of relationship between parents and children below the age of 18.

The seven categories are – nuclear family, single-parent family, unmarried biological or adoptive family, blended family, cohabiting family, extended family and other family. This definition does not take into consideration same sex couples, as the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) excludes such associations from the purview of “marriage”. Marriage is defined as the union of a man and woman under federal law.

We will limit our discussion to the relative merits and demerits of bringing up children in nuclear families vis-à-vis extended or joint family.

Opinions vary, but the common perception is that nuclear families are better equipped to bring up children than joint or extended families. Nowadays an increasing number of people are opting to go the nuclear way, not only in countries of the West but also in India.

Studies show that India’s average family size has reduced considerably from what it was in 1961. However, it is still more than China (Zeng, 2002) in Asia and other developed countries. The trend is strongly towards the nucleation of families. This is largely attributable to the impact of urbanisation and westernisation.

Let us now have a look at the relative advantages which children of nuclear family supposedly enjoy.

 

Better care and support: When two parents are in a stable relationship they are in a better position to provide care and support to their children thus making the relationship stronger. This helps the child to grow up in a positive environment and also understand the value of having strong relationships and productive interactions. Children in such situations learn to share and support. When both parents work, it’s more likely that there is a lot of sharing and delegation of household jobs. This helps the child to learn to take responsibilities and also work as a family-team member.

Better economic disposition leading to better opportunities: Nowadays children can easily dream of studying abroad, learning different skills, indulging in expensive hobbies, going abroad on school trips etc. All these have become possible because of better economic conditions of the family per se. Since in most cases both parents are working, things that were hitherto beyond the reach of average middle class families, have now come within their grasp. Children therefore, more often than not, have better education and all round abilities than children of earlier generation.

Better bonding and behavior: Children in nuclear families are more likely to get better attention and this in turn fosters better bonding. Family vacations and visits to friend and relative’s homes help to build strong relational foundations. By participating in different community and familial activities, they learn to be stable and are able to handle the social milieu.

The report referred to above (Family Structure and Children’s Health in the United States: Findings From the National Health Interview Survey, 2001–2007), opines that children in nuclear families as compared to the non-nuclear ones are less likely to encounter the certain conditions. Few such conditions are listed below:

i.               To be in good, fair or poor health as opposed to excellent health condition.

ii.              To have basic action disability

iii.            To have learning disabilities or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder;

iv.            To lack health insurance coverage;

v.              To be poorly behaved;

vi.            To have definite or severe emotional or behavioral difficulties during the past 6 months.

So if nuclear families actually offer so much for the all round development of the children, why would some people still feel that joint families are better suited for familial development?

Well, here are a few reasons, which prompt some people to prefer joint family, to nuclear family.

Make children less self-centered: The same argument, which works in favour of nuclear family, can also work against it. All the attention which parents shower on the children actually alienates them from immediate relatives who are not staying together. Grandparents, uncle and aunts contribute towards the all round development of a child by teaching them new things, caring for them when the parents are not around or disciplining them whenever necessary. Children of joint and extended families thus have a stronger bond and familial connections because of the extended family associations.

Provide children with a less stressed family environment: Nuclear families with both parents working can lead to greater stress at home. There is also a possibility that the mother is more stressed and this may cause pre-mature burnout for her. Having to shoulder family responsibilities and commitments and juggling official responsibilities at the same time can result in a lot of undesirable stress being brought into the household. A joint family or some one from the immediate extended family like grandparents can actually be beneficial for the child. They can actually act as stress busters who can provide a fresh dimension to the household.

In this regard it is very relevant and interesting to note the findings made through another sociological study by Diana B. Eliot, titled, “How Nuclear is the Nuclear Family? Extended Family Investments in Children”. The findings from the study assert that the contributions made by grand parents and other extended family members are often much more than what is normally recognized by the society. The motivation for extended family members to help children and their immediate families based on need is something that needs more in-depth analysis. Normally it is perceived that grandparents and extended or other joint family members may be willing to help and look after the children only if they have a strong affection and love for them. Conversely, such grandparents and extended family members may also feel burdened when they are compelled to look after the children of immediate family without having any desire to do so.

The conclusion of this study is significant as it states that “the white picket fence surrounding the nuclear family ideal in our society is more of an illusion than a reality: children and their immediate families, particularly when they are in need, have a safety net of extended family members upon which they can rely” (Diana B. Eliot)

Coming back to the dilemma that I faced while considering my cousin sister’s demand, that her mother-in-law care for Tiya, the above conclusion perhaps rings true. While the reason for nucleation of families is attributed to urbanisation and westernisation in recent times, it is perhaps time to introspect and re-examine the family structure so that the children have the best familial combination in which they grow up.